Just after I got married I was invited out for a night with the
 boys.
 
 I told my wife that I would be home by midnight....promise!
 
 The evening went well, the jokes were being told and the grog was
 going down easy and at around 3 a.m. full as a boot I went home.
 
 Just as I got in the door the cuckoo clock started and cuckooed 3
 times. Quickly I realised that she'd probably wake up so I
 cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having the
 quick  wittedness even when drunk, to escape a possible conflict.
 
 Next morning my wife asked me what time I got in and I told her
 12 o'clock. Whew! Got away with that one!
 
 She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked
 why she said: " Well, at 3 a.m. this morning it cuckooed 3  times,
 paused, swore, cuckooed another 4 times, farted,
 cuckooed another 3 times, paused, cleared its throat and  cuckooed
 twice, then giggled for over three minutes.
 
 I think it's stuffed, don't you?"